Gay Sponsors Cancel Title is required

My partner and I sponsored a girl in Mexico a couple of weeks ago. We are really excited to learn about her and her family and to help her out in some small way. I have a question about writing letters. On the help page under the section of things to include or not include in letters to your children it shows: 

Social issues: Many of our children come from cultures that are vastly different than ours, and discussing some controversial topics may inadvertently offend your child or his family.

I don't intend to mention we are gay but rather plan to describe my partner as my friend who lives with me. We have been together for almost 25 years and married for 5. I'm wondering if there are any other LGBT sponsors who have been in the same situation and have advice or if other sponsors have input. Thanks! 

I am biromantic. When I married my husband last year and wrote to my girls about it, I told them how happy I was and that I hoped someday they would know the same happiness with the man or woman of their dreams. Those letters weren't rejected. My understanding, though, is that the Philippines is a very GLBT-accepting culture.

 I wrote to my older girls when gay marriage was legalized here, too, and told them I was very happy for my friends who could now get married. I often write to my girls about current events, so I guess it didn't seem out od the ordinary? Those letters weren't rejected, either.

There is another sponsor here who has been sponsoring in Mexico and Latin America -- I know he's mentioned his partner to some of his children. Hopefully he'll see your post and chime in with more details about that!

I don't know if I'm wording this correctly, but I've often thought some of these children must themselves be gay (purely going off statistics and percentages) and it would help them if they had supportive sponsors.  What Saddare wrote about finding the man or woman of their dreams would let them know they weren't "wrong" in what they were thinking, if their particular religion or culture tells them they are.  As long as they know they are loved and supported, it shouldn't matter what our relationship status is, or theirs, and I think it's great that maybe by your example the children you all sponsor will get to see that it doesn't matter who you love, how you love, as long as you love.

 

I think you should go with your gut feeling, Ken, and share whatever you feel is right at the time. I don't think there's a rigid all-size-fits-one answer to your question but rather as a personal relationship develops trust deepens as well and you're the best to assess your child's readyness to understand and benefit from exposure to what some might refer to as 'controversial topics.' What your suggesting is simply to share your life, and as such, I don't think the Social Issues concern apply. You're simply saying, 'this is my life,' and I can't see anything wrong with that.  

I agree with everything that has been said. Where my kids are, Zambia, it is illegal to have anything but heterosexual relationships and punishments can be severe. I've often worried about the kids who would identify otherwise if given the opportunity, how that must feel. I don't see anything wrong with just giving them facts about your life. 

Hello, I lived in Venezuela for 14 years and my experience is that it was far more difficult for lesbians than for gays. In a way in the latin culture gays are being accepted (even if sometimes the tv will make them become funny or ridiculous characters, witch I always found like a sort of discrimination). But of course they exist in all countries and in a perfect world they should not hide, but I understand your concern. Maybe a soft approach like using the word partner instead of husband would be enough to start the letters.. Anyway welcome to sponsorship. Paloma is adorable and lucky to have you.

Just to add a bit to the responses above – we do not want to discourage sponsors from sharing their lives with their sponsored children, whether or not this includes any LGBT mention. Regarding social issues,religion, politics, etc. – the only thing we ask of sponsors is that they don’t ‘force’ beliefs onto their children. However, it is quite obvious to me, from the thoughtful responses above, that this is no one’s intention...so write away!
However, as a disclaimer if a family’s particular beliefs cause them to feel uncomfortable with the content of any letters, we may notify the sponsor and work to determine a comfortable path for all parties going forward. 

The only thing I would add is that if both you and your partner want to be actively involved in her sponsorship you should probably tell her that she has two caring sponsors., and you both could write to her individually sometimes as well as together.  That way Paloma will become attached to both of you. Welcome to CI.

   jessicaw12 said: Just to add a bit to the responses above – we do not want to discourage sponsors from sharing their lives with their sponsored children,whether or not this includes any LGBT mention. Regarding social issues,religion, politics, etc. – the only thing we ask of sponsors is that they don’t‘force’ beliefs onto their children. However, it is quite obvious to me, from the thoughtful responses above, that this is no one’s intention...so write away!
However, as a disclaimer if a family’s particular beliefs cause them to feel uncomfortable with the content of any letters, we may notify the sponsor and work to determine a comfortable path for all parties going forward. 

  

Thanks for the note. I don't intend to mention we are gay but rather plan to describe my partner as my friend who lives with me. There won't be anything that would make anyone feel uncomfortable in any of my letters.  

Why not just say he's your husband?  I see no reason to alter the truth :D. 

Oh dear, I disagree Rerun1982, with your statement: " no reason to alter the truth ."  Telling the truth to a CI child, tell them a gay couple?  In some foreign countries, gay, bi, trans will get you thrown off a building to your death. Many religions and governments, many, are aggressively against same-sex partnering. Moreover, I would fear for the CI-nurtured relationship - sponsor to sponsored child/family.  After all, what is the goal? To relate to sponsored children or start an uncomfortable debate?  Yes, there are countries which thankfully accept same-sex or alt-sex partners, but behaving as if all do or all will acclimate is quite risky.  Why put a child in the middle of the conflict  --  why confuse them, why introduce a concept that may be counter to their traditions, religion and culture? I deplore prejudice and bias, but isn't it better to move with extreme caution and care when the recipient of the information is a six-year old in a country where LGBTQ must hide their lives and hide their love?

I am not always sure if sexual orientation is taboo in some cultures. So I would say that I hope they find the "person" of their dreams (and what character traits constitute a mensch).

I'm since divorced, but about 5 years ago  my partner and I both visited our girl in Guadalajara.  I didn't sense any issues, and in fact stayed at a very affirming hotel there that was
cost effective.    I used the word partner - I'm not sure if they understood or not, but it was a non-issue.  I think in letters we described our family as two moms:
(our names) and our two kids (their names).   We all had fun and it was great.  I still sponsor our girl in Guadalajara and can't wait to see her again.  I'm hoping to have another
visit in the next few weeks.