Help please

9 publicaciones
Thyssa
enero 31, 2019
I noticed that one of my Sponsor children lost their father, I’ve never had a Sponsor child who only has one parent before. Do I avoid the subject when I write letters to them?
Missing user
enero 31, 2019
If its something recent, I would avoid it unless the child brings it up.  Talking about it with someone right now might be hard and might interrupt the healing process.  It helps some kids to open up and discuss it and others do better when they have time to themselves to process what happened.  I would take your cues from the child in this circumstance and just follow his/her lead.
Thyssa
enero 31, 2019 en respuesta a Missing user
Thanks!
Missing user
enero 31, 2019
Four of my girls have lost their fathers while I was sponsoring them--none of them mentioned it in their letters (the only reason I knew was because their annual Family Report update changed the Father's status to "Deceased"). The first time it happened, I sent a Special Needs Inquiry to CI to see what I could do to help support the family, and the report I got back included information on the circumstances of his passing. For the rest of the girls, when I saw the updated report, in my next letter I simply said, "I have just learned of the passing of your father. I am thinking of you and praying for you in this difficult time." My girls were older, though, when their fathers passed--I'm not sure how I would approach it with one of my younger girls.

As a side note, three of the four girls left the program within a year of their fathers' passing. In all cases, it was because the family moved so the mother could find better work to support the family. One of these actually stayed with her grandmother for a while when her mother moved, so that she could remain in a CI service area and continue receiving benefits. Eventually, though, she went to join her mother and left the program too. 

The one girl who didn't leave was nearly 18 when her father passed, and she was already working summers to help support her family anyway. Her father, who had been a carpenter, had been listed as unemployed for two years before his passing. Because of this, I suspect the family didn't feel any additional financial strain (whereas for all my other girls, their fathers were the family's primary source of income).This girl stayed and graduated from CI last year, and we're friends on Facebook now.
Missing user
enero 31, 2019
The mother of one of my kids died, and I learned about it fairly quickly only because I got a new Family Report.   I knew she had been ill before, but thought that she was better.   I immediately sent an EG to help the family with whatever they needed.  And I wrote the child, then about 12 years old, that I was so sorry to hear the sad news.  He seemed to appreciate very much that I knew, and he wrote me that his mother's sister was helping them when his father was at work.  
English Rose
febrero 1, 2019
One of my girls was living with her parents and I received the family report that her dad passed away. I never mentioned anything. The mom and a CI worker told me during my first visit to The Philippines that the dad was killed. He was a bystander as a fight broke out.
Missing user
febrero 1, 2019
I think that simply telling the child that you saw it on the report and expressing some sympathy is ok, especially if you have a good relationship with them.
Missing user
febrero 2, 2019 en respuesta a English Rose
Thyssa and English Rose: These issues are delicate and cultural.  I sponsor eleven in Zambia -- many with no parents, many with one.  I do not comment on or ask about the death of a parent or the backstory on missing parents because I have read it is a topic that is not introduced in their communications.  I told all of them my husband died.  Only one of the Zambian eleven reacted, saying: "I understand, my father died." That was the only reaction.  I stay away from very personal issues because I am not an expert on Zambian cultural norms i.e. I am afraid of insulting or prying.  I let them tell me what they want to tell me.
Missing user
febrero 4, 2019
Hello
I thought on how to answer this the best way. I don't think I'd bring it up all, unless the child does. A lost of a parent can be hard for an adult, can't even imagine how a child feels.
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